Crazy Train

Anyone who is married or has a significant other will know “The Look” – that unspoken, but very disbelieving stare someone gives you when they aren’t sure if you are joking, or if you have just cracked. I have been on the receiving end of a few of these incredulous facial expressions lately.

Situation 1: We are driving through a very ritzy neighborhood in Hollywood, checking out the homes. A few of them aren’t gated, and we could see the garden and house-keeping staff working on the property.
Me: I would never hire a maid.
John: No need for a maid?
Me: Never – I would not be comfortable having someone clean my house or cook for us on a daily basis. I would feel awkward having someone in our home like that. I am not talking about having Merry Maids come in once in awhile to do a spring cleaning. It’s the people who buy huge houses like this, and then hire staff to work for them. We will never be these people.
John: You misunderstood, I said “No need for a maid.” Think about it – we don’t have a home, and will be living in an RV. Why would you need a maid?
The Look said: She is standing in line to buy a ticket for the Crazy Train.

Situation 2: Getting ready for a road trip. Drinks, snacks and sunglasses.
Me: I think my head is shrinking.
John: Why? Because your mind isn’t as sharp as it once was, and your memory seems to be fading? That happens after you turn 40.
Me: Uh, no. I think my head is shrinking because my sunglasses don’t fit like they used to. They seem too big.
The Look said: She is on board and riding the Crazy Train .

Situation 3: Channel surfing, we stopped to watch a horror movie on the Sci-Fi channel. It was mid-movie, but the characters were outside at dusk, stringing up a perimeter fence of fishing line strung with cutlery, bells and empty tin cans.
John: What the hell are they doing?
Me: They are setting up an early warning system in the event of a zombie invasion. The living-dead won’t see the fishing line, and the noise will alert them of the undeads’ oncoming attack so they can protect themselves. How do you not know this? Everyone needs to have a zombie apocalypse survival plan.
John: Please tell me that this is not how you spend your time.

The Look said: She is now the conductor of the Crazy Train .

John knows these Looks don’t bother me. I have my own Look (but I use it to instill fear). Let’s be honest – we are all a little bit crazy. The definition of normal is very subjective. Our differences are what makes us interesting.
I say – keep them guessing – come for a ride on my locomotive.

crazy train


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