S–t My Husband Says – volume l

S–t My Husband Says is going to be a new category of posts in this blog. You will note that I have labelled it volume l – this is because I have no doubt that there will be many more future entries.

John and I are spending a few days in Jasper (which I will post about later this week) and we decided to drive around to scout out some wildlife. We never have any problems finding the animals, but taking clear photos of moving animals from inside the truck routinely proves to be a challenge. Last night we came across a small black bear on an embankment at the edge of the road. I tried to lean out the window to get a decent picture, but the berm was in the way.
And so:
John: Why don’t you just get out of the truck to take the picture?
Me: No bloody way. You get out and take the picture.
John: I am the driver and you are the photographer. Here’s a plan – if the bear decides to charge at you, lay down on the road and I will run over you with the truck.
Me: Those are fantastic options: be attacked by a bear or run over by a truck. Thanks for nothing.
John: I am not going to hit you with the truck. If you lay flat enough, you should fit underneath the truck. I will drive the truck OVER you, and you can hide there until the bear leaves.
Me: I don’t think so, but thanks for thinking of me.
These are the best picture that I could get from inside the cab.
jasper 061 jasper 062

John: I have been thinking about the bear plan, and I feel like there needs to be a secondary strategy.
Me: What bear plan?
John: The one where I run over you with the truck.
Me: I had already forgotten about that idea, but since I don’t foresee myself getting out of the truck EVER to take picture of bears, I really don’t think we need to make any revisions.
John: Well, what happens if we encounter a bear while we are out hiking?
Me: That would be why I am insisting that we walk only on well populated trails – to avoid bears.
John: BUT if we do encounter a bear, I am going to sprint to the vehicle. If the ground is pretty level, I will bring the truck back and run over you.
Me: Super, and what should I do if the terrain is too rocky or you can’t get back to me in time.
John: You should try to provoke the bear. Hopefully it will swat at your head and knock you unconscious. That way you won’t feel anything when it mauls you.
Me: Thanks Grizzly Adams.

bear facepalm


One comment on “S–t My Husband Says – volume l

  1. Betty Addison says:

    Scott, Corri, Wyatt & Rhett were over last night telling us about your blog. Very enjoyable and yes, you will not doubt have volumes and volumes of S–t John says, about time someone documented s–t husbands say. Happy travelling.

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